The Road Bike ...
The idea of hurtling down hills on an ultra-lightweight, two-wheeled device with inadequate brakes and with my feet permanently attached to the pedals appealed to my aging sense of adventure. I could think of no better way to relive the dangers and thrills of my younger days than to try this craze called “road biking.”
Back in my youth, we had three-speed bikes with coaster brakes, a comfortable seat, and you rode in an upright position. Now the bikes have more gears than spokes, carbon-fibre frames, rarefied air in the tires, and drop handlebars. I quickly learned you cannot ride one of these newfangled bikes in a manner that allows you to retain any sense of dignity. My rear was about ten inches higher than my shoulders, and I was permanently looking down at the pavement.
The seat closely resembled the head of an axe … with the sharp side up. On top of the axe head was a thin piece of material for padding. I could only surmise that the principle behind the design of these seats is that the rider goes as fast as possible from a to b to get off the seat as soon as possible.
Another neat innovation was a special pair of shoes a metal bar on the bottom of each shoe that clips firmly onto the pedals. Aside from making normal walking almost impossible, they are a means of attaching yourself permanently to the bike, so that in the event of a crash you will not become separated and wonder where your bike might be.
I clipped in and happily pedalled off. About ten kilometres down the road, it occurred to me that I had neglected to ask how one unclips their feet from the pedals. After twenty kilometres, it was time for a rest. I pedalled around in circles for half an hour or so, trying to unclip my feet, then gave up and headed back home. No sense having a minor inconvenience ruin a good outing, I decided as I happily pedalled down the highway.
When I finally arrived back home, I came to a stop and tottered for several seconds as I contemplated how hard the pavement might be.
A few moments later, gravity took over, and I fell over sideways, still attached firmly to the bike. For pure entertainment value it was right up there with crossing my ski tips on a downhill run. Obviously, road biking is not for sissies.
At the moment of impact, my clips released. As I lay there, I came up with a solution. I had this idea that I could put a mattress in the driveway, so I could go on a ride and arrive back home, come to a stop and fall sideways onto the mattress. That way, I could have a snooze right there. And after a couple of hours on my new bike, a snooze would be a welcome end to the adventure.
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